The Stumbling Blocks Encountered in Finding Oneself

What I’ve discovered over the last month is that I’m very bad at being honest about who I am. Not many people actually know me. Out of all the people that I talk to, work with or know from university; only two or three actually know who I am.


I do this on purpose. I keep everybody around me at arms length. Because if people don’t know me, they can’t judge me.


I’m like this with writing as well. Writing is more then something that I’m passionate about, it’s how I define myself. It’s the very essence of who I am. Yet I have a hard time being honest about it. I’ve always wanted to be an author, ever since I was young. Since that impressionable age people told me that writing is not a respectable career. Maybe because of this I’ve always been shy about sharing my writing. It’s not until recently that I’ve found myself admitting it. Jade, a person who knows me better then just about anyone else, looked at me in surprise when I confessed that what I want to achieve more then anything is to write a novel.


I haven’t written many posts on this blog, not really. Yet I can feel myself growing with everything that I post. Becoming more confident, taking ownership of who I am. What is more, is that the large amount of time I vest in reading other people’s blogs is helping as well. It constantly amazes me how connected I can feel to complete strangers. I read their posts and think “Wow, that sums up exactly how I’m feeling right now.”


I’m not sure that it occurs to me that people may actually read what I’m posting on here. I’m surprised every time somebody says “So, I was reading your blog…” When I do think about it I think that I shouldn’t be writing posts like these, I should be writing the silly little anecdotes I’ve taken to posting. Things that people might enjoy reading. But I don’t think it works like this. I started this as a form of expression and I’m going to write what I feel at any point in time. Someone close to me expressed their concern that I’m being to personal. I hope that’s not the case. I hope that I’m not offending anyone. But this is me. It feels good to finally share that.