I take my hypochondria on a trip to the doctors

I’m a hypochondriac. This is a condition that has been made 100 per cent worse with the ease of the internet. Today has been something of a hypochondriacs nightmare (or dream, I get a feeling of righteousness when I discover my concerns are justified).

I was at the doctors on Monday being examined thanks to exhaustion and dizzy spells. This resulted in a blood test on Tuesday and a subsequent doctor’s appointment today.

Before tutorials this morning the phone rang. I answered it to find the nurse from the doctors surgery was at the other end:
Nurse: Hi Rachael. We were wondering whether you would be able to come in today to discus your recent test results.
Me: *heart kicks in to overdrive. Oh god, I’m dieing. Or pregnant. Oh god.* Ermm, I already had an appointment booked for today? At 12?
Nurse: Ohh you do? Sorry to bother you then. We’ll see you at 12 then.

I’m confused and bothered by the phone call. Matters are made worst when I tell Jade about it. He is a fellow hypochondriac, though he’s not as comfortable admitting it as I am. His reply: “Oh god. You’re dieing. Or pregnant.”

After a morning of inner turmoil, I arrive at the doctor’s surgery only to wait 20 minutes longer then was strictly necessary. By the time the doctor calls my name I’m sweating and on the brink of hyperventilating.

The visit went as follows:
Doctor: Okay, lets check out these test results. Your full blood count looks good, everything seems to be here. Good, haemoglobins are present.
Me: *Internal sigh of relief. I have no idea what haemoglobins are but they sound important and I’m glad I have them*
Doctor: Hmm, your cholesterols up a little bit
Me: *Oh god! Heart attack! Hardening arteries!*
Doctor: You have a high level of uric acid as well. You might find this disposes you to gout in later life.
Me: *Uric acid? Will that kill me? Gout? Sounds deadly!*
Doctor: Your Iron levels are very low. Make sure that you’re taking a supplement. That explains the exhaustion.
Me: *Feeling a little calmer. This isn’t new to me. I can deal with this. Feeling a little smug, I told everyone I was feeling sick didn’t I!*
Doctor: Okay, before you go we’ll check your blood pressure. Oh dear, that is very low no wonder you’ve been dizzy.
Me: *Horror! Have no archived knowledge of this condition, must Google. Feeling even smugger. Low blood pressure huh? Maybe everyone will take me seriously now*

Once I finally leave the surgery I return to Jade in the waiting room. He’s looking pale and antsy. “What is it? Oh god, you’re dieing? You’re pregnant?”